The First Shame I Ever Felt, and Still Feel

A Story about Childhood Development and Emotional Awareness

Children remember how you make them feel.

I know this because, while most people may not have a conscious recollection of learning to read, I do.

In fact, I can still feel the shame I was made to bear by a teacher for mispronouncing a word in a starter book when I was 6.

It wasn’t even a word; it was a name: “Bea.” 28 years later and I can still see that name on that little board book. I remember the name because I remember the shame.

I loved books growing up. They were my best friends at home. So when it came time to prove I could read in school, I was excited.

I knew lots of words, but up to that point in my life, I had met probably all of 12 people. I had never heard of anyone named “Bea” before. I kept pronouncing it “BEE-ey.”

The teacher would stop me each time I got to the word and growl, “that’s not how you say that.” She never told me how it was pronounced. We’d just start the book again from the beginning, get to “Bea,” and she’d abruptly stop me.

After the third or fourth time of this futility, she did something I’ll never forget.

She told me not to read any more books until I could say “Bea” right. (Still not telling me how it was supposed to be said in the first place)